Shifting Comfort Zones

It sure has been a rough year for me, and for the first time in my life I actually had to go see a therapist for something that was beyond my ability to find an answer for.  So many changes not just around me, but within me has caused some pretty massive waves in my perceptions of how things are supposed to be.

It used to be that I could not find any comfort inside a home or around a family.  I was always nervous and full of anxiety and never really felt like I belonged there.  Not just in other peoples houses and homes, but even in my own.  I never really had a good home, growing up was a bunch of moving around and changing schools and friends and nothing was ever consistant.  My family was very dysfunctional and as kids we avoided home as often as we could.  I was uncomfortable around groups of people and I never felt like I was in the right place.  I started to take comfort in my work, I would just work until I couldn't take it any more.  If I was always busy and accomplishing something then I felt like I was actually of some value to someone.  Even that got lonely at times, but I knew it would be OK when I got that pat on the back or a "good job" from someone.

It wasn't until last year after several years of hard work around our house that I actually began to feel like my home was really "my home."  It was more like the place I came to rest and spend time with my wife.  The truth is, after all the work we put into the place, the more the work we did came to define what the house was.  It was the yard that I put in, the things I built, the painting we did, the floor we put in, and so forth.  As we made the changes it transformed from THE HOUSE to OUR HOME.

All the work we put into the place brought the wife and I closer together.  We made decisions together, made changes together and did the work together.  We got married in our early 30's so we were both very much set in our ways and accustomed to certain things.  It took us awhile to find the medium and once we did we started to grow closer as we grew up as a couple and as a family.  We brought in our animals and our little hobby farm became a reality and we found so much joy in what we were doing.

What started to matter most to me was coming home and taking care of things, and enjoying what we had.  Finding the laughter coming from the antics of our crazy animals and the experiences we share.  I found peace in my study with the bird sanctuary at my window.  I could rest on the weekend and go to church and not feel like I had to be part of a mission or someones cause to be spiritual.  I started to have my own idea's about what to do for my own spiritual work, and that led to some projects I am working on and I find joy in.

As things change, there is also a vulnerability that gets exposed and it's way to easy to exploit those feelings.  I often find myself in a state of shock after I leave the house after a weekend at home.  When a new comfort zone is established everything else becomes uncomfortable and it's easy to get into a state of anxiety.  You have to find a way to expand that comfort zone or bring a little bit of it with you.  If I wasn't able to talk, text, email, or communicate with my wife at some point during the day, I would be a wreck.

Hay Day

Have you ever wondered what an animal eats in a year?  Well our sheep each eat one ton of hay per year, that's 25 bales of hay.  Multiply that by 4 and add some extra in for good measure and we ended up getting 6 tons of the stuff.  Now try moving it from the field back to our house about 18 miles and stacking it.

Were halfway there and I am seriously beat up.  I think Danny Glover said it best " I'm too old for this stuff."

Sunday 5/15 iPhone Stop Motion

Sunday 5/15 iPhone Stop Motion, a set on Flickr.

I have been playing with some iPhone stop motion apps. Here is the result of about 4 hours Sunday afternoon outside the window of my office. I can sit and watch these little guys for hours at a time and listen to them call and sing. We get tons of finches, blackbirds, doves, quail, and other little feathered friends. I'm going to setup my DSLR and try to get some better shots over the next few weeks. This has always been a past-time of mine, but now I want to start cataloging and recording what species we find, and see what others we can get to join the flock.

Some passing thoughts

I'm sure I'll do more posts like this from time to time, but I like to put things on paper (even virtual.)

Met some great folks over at Modern Welding and machine this week.  They are a small manufacturing outfit that is going places and have a great core group.  I'm going to help them out in the future with some IT needs and a few other things.  It's good to know that I'm still valuable in the industry and reputation is stronger than rumor.

Spring is finally showing up, the wild birds are coming out and I love it.  I'm going to start taking pictures of my little bird sanctuary areaa and maybe I can get some quick videos in there too.  I need to figure out a way to get my iPhone in the window and keep it steady, my hands are just too beat up from the years to take really good photos.

Another Birthday came and went.  It's nice to get all the well wishes from folks.  I'll be the greeting card industry is not a big Facebook fan!

Doing the right thing

I have heard a lot of people talk about "doing what they feel is right."  Sometimes that comes during special circumstances, or during a tragedy.  I think it should be something you do everyday and it does not have to be much, in fact little things do go a long way.

From a personal perspective, I am a social idiot.  I do not do well in crowds or in groups, I get nervous and defensive right off the bat.  That usually put's me into circumstances I would rather not be in and it makes it difficult for me to act like a proper person, I have to work really hard at it or I end up making a fool of myself or looking like an outcast in the corner.  I have few friends and very little family, but those I do care about I would go through great lengths to help them.  I tend to associate myself with like minded people and I am very blessed to have those people in my life.

Take a minute to think about someone who needs a hand and figure out what you can do for them.  If they are going through a rough financial patch, take them to a dinner or a movie and take care of the bill discretely.  They have probably cut out the fun stuff from the budget, so give them something to enjoy, or invite them over for a BBQ.  If it's something they need a prayer for, let them know you are praying and someone cares.  If they need a coat, lend them yours.  If they are working on a project, give them a hand one day, even if you are just a bystander they could use an extra set hands with lumber or a wrench.

I caught my neighbor mowing his field with a push mower the other day, it took him hours and did not look like fun.  We have a riding lawn mower that I use only to mow the weeds down in our field, I'm going to let him know he can use it when it comes time to do his.  It's a small gesture, but one that I hope will go a long way.  A small example, but a good deed none the less.

What are you going to do today, and what about tomorrow?

Bin Laden is dead and the Birth Certificate is 'shopped

Osama Bin laden has finally been brought to "justice."  If anyone ever thought they could put this guy on trial they were living in a pipe dream, they did not have a choice but to kill him.  It would have been impossible to have a trial, the jury would have had to been from one of those far out tribes in a rain forest in South America to be impartial.  Even then, they would not understand 90% of the terminology being thrown at them.

The next few weeks will have the news filled with Google map images of the compound, intelligence experts giving their theory on how it all came to be.  Interviews with former Special Forces people giving input on how the place would have been defended, infiltrated, attacked, and ex-filtrated.  The weapons used will be put on display, the technology involved, thousands of slides and diagrams and commentary.  All good stuff to keep the populace from asking the real questions, like why did it take so long?  Why now, what was different in the last 10 years that changed this week?  Are we going to pull out the troops, or now is there a larger threat?

I'm sure there has to be a chain of command within Al-Queda and someone is ready to take the place of Bin Laden.  He'll be considered a martyr and will go down in their books as such.  This will be considered Al-Queda's 9/11 and they will retaliate.  We'll face a "new threat" and the current Administration will ride that into another term of office.  The Conspiracy Theory community will have a whole new batch of material to go nuts over and the cycle will continue.

The White House released a Birth Certificate that was an obvious Photoshop job, and a bad one at that.  It's a laughing stock on the internet and people are going to forget it about it.  Why worry about that when we have all this new material to dissect?

I'm more worried about the big picture personally.  As citizens we really have very little knowledge about what is really going on in our government.  Every Bill that goes through Congress is literally thousands of pages, who has time to go through that and separate what is for the good or bad?  We have Legislators that serve careers as such and the snowball gets larger each election.  The Government keeps growing and our rights keep shrinking.  We spend so much money on wire tapping, surveillance, investigating, studying, and so forth and so little on taking care of the citizens.  What would things be like if we took our foreign aid budget and applied it to education?  How about instead of funding other countries military and defense budgets we started a few internal initiatives.  How about every child born in America is guaranteed a high school education worth a damn, and health care.  Then a college or technical education and a decent shot at a career.

Government should not be a career, it's a service and that was the founding fathers intent.  Do your duty, then go home and take care of your farm, practice, or business.  The Government is only as large as it is because we let it get that way and we put decisions in the hands of people who are more concerned about their career then they are their service.  We creep closer to socialism every passing year and it scares the crap out of me.

I'm glad I live out in the country and I don't have anything anyone could want from me.  I live a peaceful life and we enjoy the company of nature, and the environment.  It's beautiful and I wouldn't trade it for the world.  That is freedom to me, I don't have a beef with anyone and I don't get involved in other people's business.  I take care of those who are close to me and look after my home and my wife.  What can't we just do that as a whole and as a country?

Best dogs ever?

Treat time, a photo by gizmojeff on Flickr.

Yeah, I'm pretty sure about that. Mingo is so mellow and is the unspoken leader. Inca is just happy as can be no matter what, all he wants is love. Duchess is a spitfire and always on guard duty (unless she has some bones to chew on.)